Every Love That Could Have Been
by joyousbrokenthing
Summary: Kendall and James can't figure out what they want. It is too bad Jett and Dak are involved. Indecisions wreck a lifetime of heartache on everyone. - Kendall/James/Jett/Dak, brief Carlos/Logan
1. Chapter 1

**Every Love That Could Have Been**

* * *

><p><strong>Summary:<strong> Kendall and James can't figure out what they want. It is too bad Jett and Dak are involved. Indecisions wreck a lifetime of heartache on everyone.

**Pairing:** Kendall/Jett/James/Dak, brief Carlos/Logan

**Rating:** M

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

_i want to kill you like only a best friend could_

_-Brand New, seventy times seven_

* * *

><p>When James tells them over breakfast he is dating Dak Zevon, Carlos gets a face full of orange juice courtesy of a choking Logan. Mrs. Knight flusters and excuses herself. Kendall is sure she's gone off to buy more parenting magazines. "That's hot," Katie says. And Kendall, well, Kendall doesn't really say much at all. He manages, "pass the syrup" and continues eating pancakes amidst the startling revelation.<p>

Katie won't stop asking questions about Dak. Carlos and Logan are stuck at the gay part. Kendall suspects they are trying to outdo each other by screaming "what" repeatedly.

"_Kendall_?" Logan's eyes are pleading.

He knows Logan is waiting for his input. He shrugs instead, another 3 pancakes pile onto his plate. It's not his place.

"Seriously?" Carlos wails, his hands thrown in the air, fork still in hand. Kendall can see pieces of scrabbled eggs hit Logan squarely in the chest.

"What?" James shrugs, "Dak is hot."

As if that's a fair way to come out to your best friends. Kendall rolls his eyes.

"What Kendall?" James doesn't look too pleased, "You have something to say?"

"Nope," he scoffs down another mouthful, chewing dramatically to drive the point.

Kendall tells the guys he's sick that day. Really he just doesn't want to leave the house. But the lie starts to feel true. It could have been the monstrous stack pancakes he just devoured. When they leave for the studio he stays huddled on the couch.

Maybe it's because he misses Jo or the fact that it's the first time that even Carlos has a more active love life than him. Kendall decides he doesn't want to hear about James and Dak. He'll stay on the couch all day and avoid curious Carlos and Logan.

His plan is flawed. Gustavo never wants to deal with the dogs without Kendall. It doesn't even take more than half an hour for Gustavo to send them home. The interrogation moves itself back into Kendall's presence. He stares blankly at the TV as Carlos and Logan fire off questions so fast he doesn't know how they expect James to respond.

"Dude, when did this happen?" Logan yells.

"Yesterday."

"And you're telling us now?"

"I came back really late last night." James shrugs.

Logan cringes, "Urgh, I don't want to know."

"I do!" Carlos shouts, "How do you know you're gay?"

His tone is pleading. He might as well have asked, "Are you sure?"

James shrugs again, "Dak is like, really hot. Come on, you can't deny it."

"Well, that's true," Carlos panics and begins to screech, "Wait, does that make _me_ gay?"

"No, he _is_ a good looking guy. It doesn't make you gay, Carlos" Logan reasons, "How did this come about? Where were _we_?"

"Around? I don't know. I run into him at the gym all the time and we started hanging out."

"So you're like 'dating' dating?"

"Like, 'Kendall' dating?" Carlos interjects.

Kendall frowns. When did his name become synonymous with serious dating? He wanted to point out how long he's been single.

James just nods.

"Are you going to spend all of your time with him now?" Carlos pouts.

"So you're like really together?" Logan asks again for emphasis.

"Yeah, but I mean, he's not like publically gay or anything. That would probably ruin his career right now." Yours too, Kendall thinks.

"But it's whatever. I mean, he's _really_ hot." James grins.

"Seriously? That's the only reason?" Logan judges.

"No," James grin, "He's also a really good kisser."

Kendall's had enough.

"Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch TV here."

Logan quirks an eyebrow at him, "Dude, you know you're watching Maury, right?"

Kendall hadn't paid attention since they walked in.

"Damn it Logan. Now I'll never know if Darryl is the father." He says instead. He throws down the remote and stalks out of the apartment. He doesn't miss the look James gives him.

It's a quiet day down at the pool. Kendall is ready to take a nap and not be bothered by silly dating questions except –

"Did you know Dak and James are dating?"

He groans, "Hey there, Jett."

He forces a grin and closes his eyes again. Maybe Jett will take the hint. Unlikely.

Jett forcibly shoves Kendall over and sits himself at the edge of his sunbed. Kendall looks from side to side at all the other empty chairs beside them.

"I don't like it." Jett states.

"Why does it matter to you?" Fuck, is it National Coming Out day?

Jett hesitates for a moment, "I just don't. It's weird."

"Wait, how did you know James and Dak are dating?" Kendall asks.

If they've already been found out they really suck at this 'keeping it a secret' thing. James really has no idea what he's in for. Kendall can almost make out the sound of a million fan girls sharpening their pitchforks.

"Dak told me."

"I didn't know you guys were close." Kendall didn't even know they were friends.

"It's…" Jett trails, searching for the word, "whatever."

Eloquent, Kendall thinks.

"My first role was on Varsity Vampire."

Oh, right, that stupid movie. Kendall swears he'll kill himself if Katie plays "Creatures of the Net" just one more time.

"Did you endure the 'Zevon Method' also?" Kendall asks, recalling their teen idol boot camp.

"Like, duh." Jett rolls his eyes.

"Do you like Dak?" Kendall asks bluntly. He has no patience to go around in circles. He doesn't particularly care to get involved in bizarre love triangles either.

Jett scoffs and scrunches his nose. He's trying to look disgusted but he just looks nervous instead.

Kendall raises an eyebrow.

"Well, he _is_ hot." Jett confesses.

Kendall groans. Those words have been repeated far too many times today. He was half hoping for a confession of love or something more…moving. He doesn't know what he expected. Jett is the only person he knows who is as shallow as James.

"Well? That's too bad." Kendall smiles, "Okay. Bye now."

Kendall sinks further into the chair and closes his eyes.

"Huh, you say that, but you don't sound too concerned."

"That's because I'm not."

"Dude, you've got to help me break them up." Jett pleads, he's actually pouting and giving Kendall puppy dog eyes. It makes Kendall all sorts of uncomfortable.

"Alright, okay, bye Jett." Kendall gets up and leaves. It seemed like a good idea. Until Kendall remembers he has nowhere to go.

* * *

><p>Kendall doesn't hate Dak Zevon, persay, but if one were to say he wouldn't mind stepping on Dak with the blades of his hockey skates, well, they wouldn't be wrong either.<p>

Dak is everywhere. I mean, literally. Dak Zevon is everywhere. He's on the cover of every teen magazine pushing Big Time Rush into the corner. He's on every billboard Kendall sees on the way to the studio. He's on morning shows, entertainment news shows, late night talk shows; Kendall even caught his guest spot on Sesame Street one afternoon.

Dak flirts shamelessly in his interviews. Pouts as he gives scripted answers about still searching for the right girl all the while sitting next to James on the couch five feet from Kendall. He doesn't know what's more sickening, the fact that these two are living a lie or the fact that Dak is vain enough to make James watch himself on television.

"Dak is telling me about the do's and don'ts of interviews," James smiles over at him, "He really knows what he's talking about."

James finds everything Dak says interesting. Kendall swears their relationship is nothing then a mentorship on fame. Kendall doesn't know how James isn't jealous. They work their butts off and Dak is infinitely more famous. Besides, James is much prettier and more deserving of poster centerspreads. Kendall doesn't get it.

Kendall doesn't care at all that James is gay. Let's be honest, James' sexuality has always been questionable. There are times when Kendall thinks the metro primping is an over the top ploy to get girls but most of the time Kendall thinks James might as well write 'homo' across his forehead. Kendall has always suspected. Really, it came as no surprise. He's spent a lot of his life waiting for James to just come to terms with it.

He didn't expect for James to come out and right into the arms of Dak Zevon.

It's weird, okay? Dak is on a whole different caliber of success. He doesn't really understand what Dak is doing with James except maybe because James is really pretty. Which makes it even weirder because it's like watching two narcissistic pretty boys feed off each other's pretty.

They do nothing but talk about themselves. Kendall is sure most of their dates are at the gym. When they do sit closer on the couch, or what Kendall assumes is their attempt at cuddling, it's like watching two models try to outdo each other in poses. It's like they have to look perfect all the times. They can't seem to relax, their bodies don't fit, and it's awkward.

It makes Kendall feel all weird. Cringe-worthy. That's the word.

But, besides all that, he doesn't really care about who James dates. No, really.

What he does care about is the band. Since Dak, James is on a one-track mind to fame regardless of whether it's with or without Big Time Rush. Singing and dancing has taken last priority to James. Kendall knows it isn't right. There are parties, like, every night and James is so adamant on getting his picture taken.

"Dak says that's how you make it in Hollywood," James explains, "You've got to be seen."

James goes to every single red carpet event Dak tells him to. Logan and Carlos tag along almost everywhere. They think James invites them for the girls. Kendall is almost certain James just need them so he is never caught alone with Dak.

Kendall tries going out with them, but it doesn't take long before he realizes Hollywood parties are, like, really boring and the people are, like, really fake. It's being in a room full of Jennifers. There are a lot of things Kendall would rather be doing. Stand in quicksand, for example.

When James and his third and fourth wheel aren't out meeting up with Dak at one event or another Dak is over in their apartment. He's always around.

Kendall doesn't like to lose or come second best to anyone but how do you compete with fucking Dak Zevon? Second best to James in looks? That's fine, Kendall is smarter. Second best to Logan in intelligence? Well, Logan is a scared-y cat. Let's not talk about Carlos. But Dak is the whole package.

Katie is in love with him. Carlos worships him for all the girls he sends Carlos' way. See, Dak is pretty. But unlike James, he's also smart. He can hold a conversation with Logan about nerdy things and charm the pants off his mom. Which is just an expression, he reminds himself, just an expression. Thank God Dak is gay.

Even his closest friends and family seem to prefer Dak. It feels like Dak has taken over his entire life. He might as well have entered some alternate universe where he doesn't exist.

Kendall knows he's being unfair because they are always so inclusive. He wants to say something but the worst part is there's no way going about this without appearing like a jackass, or worst, jealous.

"Are you avoiding me?" James asks him one afternoon.

Kendall dramatically scoffs, "Uh, no? Why would you say that?"

"Kendall, I haven't seen you in weeks."

"We live together. I see you every day."

"Yeah, but you haven't hung out with us in a long time. You're never around. You don't go out with us. Do you have a problem with Dak?"

"No, I love Dak!" Kendall lies instinctively.

"Are you jealous?" James smirks.

"Excuse me?" Kendall's mind is reeling. Where is James getting this?

"Admit it, you're totally jealous I have the hottest boyfriend in Hollywood. You're gay for Dak!" James grins.

Kendall wants nothing more than to punch James when he gets this arrogant.

"I am not jealous!"

"You are. You're totally jealous of me." James counters. Then he all but sings, "Kendall is jealous. I have the hottest boyfriend. Kendall is -"

"I'm going to hit you now." He lunges towards James, who has already squealed and ran away.

Kendall is fuming. Fuck Dak Zevon. And fuck James. He is not jealous. Kendall contemplates seducing Dak just knock James down a notch. Then he realizes how stupid that is. He doesn't even like Dak. Kendall's just not used to losing.

Kendall is desperate. Which is the only reason why he would ever consider this.

"Kendall?"

Kendall groans. This could be the worst idea he's ever had.

"Alright, let's do this. Let's break them up."

Jett smiles, "About time."


	2. Chapter 2

**Every Love That Could Have Been**

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><p><strong>Summary:<strong> Kendall and James can't figure out what they want. It is too bad Jett and Dak are involved. Indecisions wreck a lifetime of heartache on everyone.

**Pairing:** Kendall/Jett/James/Dak, brief Carlos/Logan

**Rating:** M

**AN: **This story is dedicated to **The Brat Prince** who singlehandedly made me fall in love with this fandom with her stories. She is all sorts of amazing.

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

_ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out. i wish i knew._

_-Brand New, okay i believe you but my tommy gun don't_

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><p>Concocting a plan to break someone up is easier said than done. Kendall and Jett are sitting across from each other throwing crumpled notebook paper back and forth of ill-conceived plans. A whiteboard between them with more doodles than words.<p>

"How about we-"

"No." Kendall shoots Jett down. If this suggestion is anything like the last twenty he's offered then Kendall would rather not hear about yet another rumor he wants to spread about James.

Kendall had his limits. Annoyed or not, Kendall will always remain wildly protective of his friends.

Another twenty minutes pass between them. They've spent every day for nearly a week trying to come up with a plan.

Kendall is focused on drawing patterns in his notebook trying his best to brain storm when a cartoonish jingle snaps him out of his mindless doodling.

"Seriously?" Kendall groans, throwing his head back in annoyance. He quickly throws his entire notebook across the table, "Stop playing Angry Birds!"

"Hey! It's not like you're coming up with anything." Jett continues playing with his phone.

Most of their time spent together has had Kendall want to rip his hair out. Each one of Jett's stupid ideas left him both frustrated and baffled. How does a tanning break help you think better? Did Jett honestly think shopping generates workflow? But to be honest, he's almost willing to try anything at this point.

They could have done this separately and far away from the presence of one another. Trying not to kill Jett has made him unable to concentrate on anything much less come up with a brilliant plan to solve all his problems. Kendall is just secretly grateful to just be able to hide out in Jett's apartment and away from the nauseating couple camped out in his own.

There's a knock at the door. Kendall looks to Jett who's unresponsive, still focused on the game at hand.

"You going to get that?" Jett asks, dismissing him like a servant.

Kendall doesn't have it in him to pretend to be offended or shocked. He stalks across the apartment and opens to the door to find James staring back at him.

"Uh, Camille told me she saw you come in here." James looks past him and to Jett, "Dude, have you been hanging out here all week?"

"Hey Kendall." Dak says, standing annoying close behind James.

"Dak?" Kendall jumps when Jett creeps up behind him, his phone and game forgotten.

James looks suspiciously between Kendall and Jett.

"We're uh...working on a project." Kendall offers.

Dak gives them a knowing smile. It doesn't sit well with Kendall.

"It's summer…" James trails.

"I never said it was for school." Kendall counters. He doesn't offer any more of an explanation.

James opens his mouth to reply.

"Are you guys hungry? Come out to eat with us." Dak interrupts.

Kendall smirks at James, clearly winning this round. Until he registers what Dak just asked. He is about to say to decline when -

"We'd love to." Jett says for him.

"Uh-" and before he can protest he's pushed out the door by Jett. Kendall glares at him when they follow behind James and Dak. Jett just smiles and shrugs.

* * *

><p>They settle into a diner near the Palmwoods. Dak and James on one side of the booth and Jett moves in after Kendall on the other. Kendall scoots to the window and press his back against the wall.<p>

"Camille said she's seen you two hang out all week." James pries again.

Kendall doesn't reply and focuses his attention on his menu.

"Since when are you friends?" James asks bluntly. Dak gives him a look, pleading him to back down.

"What?" Kendall chuckles, "We've always been friends."

And to prove his point he scoots close to Jett, wraps one arm around his neck and pulls him into a half-hearted headlock.

"Haven't we Jett? Best buds!" Kendall grins, perplexing James.

"Dude, watch the hair." Jett says instead.

"You guys would make a cute couple." Dak offers.

Kendall chokes on his water. Immediately pulling his arm away. Jett freezes.

"What?" James shouts for them. He looks back and forth frantically between Kendall and Jett waiting for their reaction.

"Dude, I'm not gay." Kendall replies, displeasure evident.

"Sorry. I didn't know." Dak smiles warmly, "Just saying though."

James' eyes are still bugging out. He addresses Jett, "Wait, what about you? How come you aren't saying anything?"

Jett swallows and looks down at the table. He glances up quickly at Dak with hooded eyes. Kendall doesn't miss it. Dak is surprisingly quiet. When Jett looks at him, a look of fear crosses Dak's features before he clears his throat and focuses his attention back to the menu.

They're interrupted by their young waiter, who's close to hysterical, asking Dak for an autograph as she shoves a napkin over James.

The rest of their meal is spent with her hovering above them, squealing and complimenting Dak.

The fact that she's ignoring the other three male stars at the table is not lost on Kendall, James or Jett. Dak introduces them, each one not too responsive to her at this point. Dak handles the attention with grace, clearly used to this type of notice. He's nothing but nice to this fan. However crazy and inconsiderate she may be, Kendall thinks. Kendall gains a whole new level of respect for him.

Until he sees James look up and smile warmly at Dak. Kendall glances under the table. Dak has one hand on James knee as he answers the girl's questions.

Kendall remembers how much he hates Dak. Smug bastard.

* * *

><p>Kendall gets up extra early the next morning to avoid James.<p>

He knocks at Jett's door without answer. He starts pounding before Jett finally appears. He's standing there in his boxers. His sleeping mask pulled to his forehead.

"What the hell?" he asks grudgingly.

"Let's brain storm!" Kendall cheers, moving pass him and settling onto the couch.

He hears Jett mumble something incoherent and retreat to his room. The door slams behind him.

Kendall shrugs, a little grateful to not have to deal with Jett this early in the morning. He flips on the television and lies down on the couch.

"So Dak thinks we look good together."

That's the announcement Kendall wakes up to. Jett is hovering above him. Kendall's eyes bulge out of their sockets.

"Dude, I'm not gay!" Kendall reiterates. He sits up and Jett falls besides him.

Jett shrugs and Kendall really wants to punch him. Except Jett looks undeniably cute when his hair hasn't been struck by a bottle of gel. It'd be a shame to mess up that face. What the hell is Kendall thinking? He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think straight.

"So you and Dak…?" Kendall asks, "What was that look about yesterday?"

"Don't." Jett's voice is suddenly low and surprisingly dangerous, filled with warning. "Don't, not unless you want to talk about you and James."

Kendall is so taken aback that he physically moves away from Jett, blinking in shock.

"There is no me and James."

Jett raises an eyebrow at him, his doubt evident.

"Dude, I'm not gay!" Kendall shouts again.

Jett contemplates for a moment, "That's too bad. We would make a hotter couple than Dak and James."

Unlikely, Kendall thinks. Those guys are _really _good looking. Wait, what? Kendall shakes his head. He really needs a girlfriend soon.

"We could go on double dates with them." Jett muses aloud.

"The last thing I want to do in the world is go on a double date with them."

Jett leans back into the couch and sighs, "Word."

Logan corners him one day.

"James told me you've been hanging out with Jett?"

"Uh, hey there Logan." Kendall replies instead, trying to move past the shorter brunette only to be blocked.

"You feeling okay?" Logan asks with concern, "Have you been ignoring us?"

"What?" Kendall scoffs theatrically, "No!"

"You're not like secretly dating Jett are you?" Logan presses, "James is one thing but if you're into dudes too that'd be really weird."

"I'm not gay!" Kendall shouts, extremely annoyed. "Look! Is that Camille with Steve?"

He points to the other closing elevator and Logan turns around, "What? Where?"

Kendall takes the opportunity to run. His legs take him to Jett's apartment seeking refuge. Although if he had put any thought into it, being here of all places does not help dispel anybody's suspicion.

Jett lets him in without any questions. Jett is looking particularly sad and Kendall sits on the opposite end of the couch as him, pretenses of brainstorming long gone.

"You okay?" Kendall asks.

The commercial ends and Kendall recognizes the prelude to "Creatures of the Net". Jett is watching Varsity Vampires. Kendall suddenly feels bad for him.

"It'd be so convenient if you were gay." Jett says, barely above a whisper.

"Sorry?" Kendall offers, unsure of himself. How does one respond to that?

"I mean, you're not bad looking," Jett looks him up and down. Kendall raises an eyebrow, a little offended. If Jett is hitting on him, he's really bad at it.

"You're actually kinda hot." Jett continues. Kendall instantly feels better. Except not for long because the expression in Jett's eyes turn into one of…lust? Kendall swallows.

"Don't you get horny looking at Dak and James?" Jett is leaning close enough to his ear that Kendall can feel his warm breath.

"Why do they get all the fun?" Jett pouts, "Wouldn't it be great if we can just blow each other?"

Kendall's brain has turned to mush. He mentally scolds his dick being hard.

Before he knows it, Jett's hand is at the back of his head and Jett's lips are assaulting his own. He's frozen in shock. He feels Jett's tongue brush against his own and it's not entirely unpleasant.

But then Kendall remembers he's not gay.

Kendall shoves him back, punches Jett squarely on the jaw.

He's on the ground grunting in pain, "Dude, what the hell?"

"Uncool!" Kendall scolds. And then he bolts.

* * *

><p>It's strange being in his apartment in the middle of the afternoon. He hasn't been hanging out here in so long he doesn't know what to do with himself.<p>

Kendall is pacing back and forth. He contemplates telling someone – anyone – what just happened. He figures Carlos will just laugh. Logan will probably look at him condescendingly. His mom might be concerned.

He thinks about telling James, except he thinks about exaggerating it. Maybe tell James they made out a little. He's torn between confiding in a friend and outdoing James in everything he's smug about.

He hears a loud gasp from the bedroom that snaps him from his thoughts. He hurries down the hall afraid to find Carlos in another hurt mess. When he opens the door, his heart is caught in his throat.

Dak is naked on James bed, the pretty boy on top of him, bent over and taking all of Dak into his mouth. Dak grunts with movement of James' head. Kendall instinctively wants to die.

He slams the door shut before they see him, hurries out of the apartment in a lost daze.

He hates James for growing distant and springing this on him. They used to be able to tell each other everything. He hates Dak for stealing away his best friend and wrecking the dynamic of absolutely everything. He hates Carlos and Logan for liking Dak and not siding with Kendall even though he's never voiced his disdain. He shouldn't have to. They're his friends. They should know better.

But most of all? Kendall hates his raging hard on.

Kendall is finding it difficult to breathe. He's trembling with need. Already hard from that unwanted kiss from earlier, his penis is ten times more aroused by the sight of James' flushed cheeks bobbing up and down on Dak's sizeable cock. (Fuck Dak Zevon. Seriously.)

He finds Jett's door unlocked. He lets himself in. Jett stares at him with anger and a bit of fear, hand immediately moving up to clutch at his jaw.

Kendall doesn't give himself time to think. He shoves Jett against the wall with a thud and kisses him hard. He attacks Jett's tongue with his own, swirling and pulling and teasing and rough. He grinds himself against the other boy.

Jett is taken off guard but reciprocates immediately. Kendall hisses at each pressured contact against his penis. He kisses against the jaw he just hit, moves his tongue against the outer shell of Jett's ear, and then he stills.

"Blow me." Kendall whispers.

Jett leans back, mouth agape and eyes wide. Kendall rolls his eyes. He kisses Jett again, moving them back towards the couch where Kendall sits. Jett is in his lap. Kendall pulls back and smirks. He pushes at Jett's shoulders until the pretty boy is on his knees.

Kendall unbuttons his jeans immediately, cock in hand, stroking and waiting. Jett is only staring at him in disbelief. Kendall secures one hand on the back of Jett's head and pulls him forward. Jett resists. Kendall bites at his lower lip.

"Please?" He pants. He pulls at Jett's head once again, gasps when the hot mouth envelopes his penis.

Jett is staring up at him with a smirk around his cock sucking enthusiastically. Kendall reciprocates the expression and tugs hard at Jett's hair guiding him down deeper. Kendall bites on his lower to stop himself from screaming.

Jett squirms when he begins to gag but Kendall grips tighter onto his hair keeping him in place. Kendall wants to feel bad but he doesn't mind being selfish with Jett.

Kendall decides he likes Jett when he can't talk. Kendall grunts when the first stream of cum hits the back of Jett's throat, Jett swallows like a champ, pops it out and continues pumping Kendall good and hard with his hands.

Kendall shoves his hand away and pumps himself with twice the pressure, moans when stripes of white land on the corner of Jett's mouth.

"Oh come on!" Jett whines, "You suck."

Jett wipes at his face. Kendall can't help but laugh.

"Uh, no, I'm pretty sure _you_ do."

Jett smiles up at him.

If blowjobs from Jett can feel this good Kendall thinks he wouldn't mind being gay.


End file.
